A Most Unreliable Narrator Issue #124 Listen to the elephant
What is the difference between an elephant and a mastodon?
Many, if not most, of you are aware of the hot flame of shit that is Twitter now and many are decamping over to other social media, namely Mastodon.
Mastodon is like twitter in that you have timelines, you can add and be followed, you can block or mute, and it’s just overall nice and the people are kind. Read here for more on Mastodon (what it is, how it works, how to join).
With that being said, I am on Mastodon as @email@example.com. If you find any other @heronineabook, and even if they have the same pictures/headers/bios, those are not me. (Downside of Mastodon is that you can create accounts on other servers on the network.)
I’ve deleted 80% of my Twitter timeline (app used wasn’t 100%) and I pinned a tweet on where to find me. So yep, I’m 90% gone. (I’m on Twitter to find others who moved over to Mastodon and add them there.)
You can now find me:
While most people would not necessarily think of me this way, I’m a vain person. My hair, nails, and eyebrows are my priorities. I may look like a slob in t-shirts, jeans, and Chucks, but at least I’m a cute slob.
(I buy routinely make-up to wear and yet never wear but if I want to do my face, I’m set.)
Since the pandemic kicked off in March 2020, I’ve let the hair and eyebrows slack but I have a standing nail appointment every three weeks. J goes too to get a pedicure. He tends to favor dark blues and purples for his toenails. I like black and dark grey for nails and toes. Sometimes we get a glitter topcoat.
My eyebrows I’ve been doing since I was in my early 20s. You buy some wax from Amazon, heat it up in the microwave, and viola! Eyebrows shaped, lip hairs ripped out, and the few witch’s hairs on my neck disappear. I’ve had my eyebrows professionally done but they always over shaped and I look constantly surprise so back to doing my own eyebrows. (Cost factor: Sally Hansen box of wax calls me $5 and I get two to three applications out of it. Professionally done eyebrows, and eyebrows only, costs nearly $40 after tip. This is not hard to figure out.)
My hair though.
Last August, my bangs fried from all the fashion colors and I was tired of my hair so I had J. buzz me short. (Bad stylists: Two of them had no idea how to fix the over bleaching.) I looked ridiculous and somehow, I was OK with this. I saw this as a new beginning after years of dying my hair.
Time moves forward and I see a stylist to keep my hair healthy by not dying it. That lasted three months before I went bright red in November of last year
I fired my stylist after I came home from a session one day and discovered the entire back of my t-shirt was bleached out. She had taken off the cap and clearly saw the bleach holes and never even told me to even suggest refunding me for the cost of the shirt. ($20 but that’s not the point.)
I ask on Reddit for suggestions and I end up at a local hip place where all the kids go. I have the consult, the stylist seems to listen, and I feel confident.
Yet, every haircut and color are drastically different than what I ask for. I even bring pictures.
I don’t know why but I do not fire her.
Fast forward to the end of October. I haven’t seen her since early May. My hair is a hot mess. The shape has grown out, my roots are intense. I thought about getting a stylist in Michigan but none of the ones I liked were available until months out. I decided to suffer.
Come this past Friday and I take a half-day off to get my hair done. I’m brimming with excitement and have been entirely pumped to look cute. My hair is long enough to pull off this cut that I really liked. After years of going fashion colors, I decide to get some chunky highlights to give the color dimension plus I love the cut.
This is what I asked for:
I did not even get something close to that. I watched her put the highlights in, but the highlights are so thin you cannot even see them with my hair dried. I asked her to not dry my hair with curls and she dries my hair with curls. My hair is so bad, I was in visible shock. The stylist apologize she went “a little too short.” I’m sick. We leave on our cruise in three weeks, and I wanted to be punk rock chic in Europe and instead I get…this. The haircut is so bad, I won’t even show Best Kate and I get her opinion on everything. I’m so distraught, I’m not even sure how I’m going to pull off being punk rock chic in Europe.
The only fucking advantage is my hair grows fast and in three weeks it should be more manageable. I’ve also did more research and there is a salon not more than two blocks from me and they stylists and colorists are two separate groups of people which gives me hope. I’m not having put a pair of scissors near my hair for months.
So, right now I look like a skater boi copulated with a Karen. Ugh.
It snowed this weekend.
I went into the office on Friday and a co-worker mentioned it was to snow the following day when it was 70 outside that very moment. I guffawed. I woke up on Saturday to find it snowing and snowing heavily. It was a bit too warm for the snow to stick but it was snowing! I snuggled on the coach with my new blankie from Steph, a cup of hot cocoa, and a book to read. It was delightful.
Things I Recently Wrote
What I’m Reading
FINISH A FUCKING BOOK LISA BEFORE STARTING A NEW ONE.
Glenarvon Byron’s ex-lover was so distraught about their breakup; she wrote a roman à clef about their relationship
The Christmas Cupid Can Zoey match six couples before Christmas Eve?
The Seventh Sinner (Jaqueline Kirby #1) Errant librarian solves a mystery in Rome
Men Explain Things to Me Essays by Rebecca Solnit
Prose and Cons (Magical Bookshop #2) Murder in the bookshop–can Violet find the killer before it’s too late?
Want to see what I’m reading or watching? Check out my list for 2022!
Hear me out: Hallmark movies are innocuous, there is always a happily ever after (HEA), and as vanilla they may be, they are soothing. I’m not sure how I decided to get into watching them but starting in late October every year, I’ve got a movie in the background as I putter around the house. Yes, yes, the plot is the same in every movie, but who cares! It’s just so wholesome that my black heart grows a size or two.
I even run a FB group.
J makes fun of me for watching, but I don’t care. It’s the holidays and I do what I want!